On June 25, 2022, at 3:19 p.m., I suffered a miscarriage. Sitting in my bathroom in disbelief, I stared at the floor for 45 minutes, processing the several weeks that I felt like I could be pregnant but wasn’t sure. In the pregnancy tests I had taken, a faint line appeared — and quickly disappeared — next to the single line signaling I was not pregnant. I recalled being exhausted but blaming it on working hard during a hot Texas summer As I was reckoning with the missed signs, my phone buzzed with a breaking news notification. The Supreme Court had overturned Roe v. Wade, which guaranteed a constitutional right to abortion. My life changed twice within 45 minutes. I began to heave and yell at the sky for this new world I suddenly found myself
A miscarriage is certainly not the same experience as an abortion, however, depending on the impact on the body following the loss of a fetus, a miscarriage could necessitate an abortion for the survival of the pregnant person. What if I had hemorrhaged? Or did not have access to sexual education to realize what was happening? Am I still allowed to be sad that I didn’t have a choice, even though I wasn’t ready to be a parent yet? So many questions raced through my head that I still don’t have the answers to, but one thing I was always certain of: abortions are necessary. Abortions are freedom. Abortions save livesAccording to Planned Parenthood, eight out of 10 miscarriages happen in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, and two of three ways to medically treat a miscarriage are via a safe abortion. Additionally, KFF estimates that miscarriages are as high as 31% to 50% when including people who miscarry before knowing they are pregnant. Strict abortion restrictions can conflate pregnancy loss with abortion, thus criminalizing people for suffering a miscarriage
Had I not miscarried my fetus at 10 weeks, I would’ve needed an abortion. At the time, I was going full-pace in my career, traveling constantly and working long hours. There was no way that I would’ve been ready to be a parent. If I hadn’t miscarried, I would’ve discovered my pregnancy a lot later, forcing me to scramble to find a state where abortion was legal. Or I would’ve been forced to become a parent while I was chasing my dreams, ripping away my decision to enjoy my career goals and life that I envision for myselfOverall, I would’ve been devastated because this outcome is very likely to happen for myself and several Texans again. My experience was one of many reasons any person could desperately need access to an abortion. But the most important reason is not needing to have a reason at all — it’s about having the sacred ability to choose
Time moved in slow motion for the rest of that day. I had so many realizations about the freedom to choose. The Supreme Court believed that my bodily autonomy was in their hands, and the State of Texas created bounty-hunting laws to criminalize those who sought or assisted others in seeking abortion. I understood on another level how dangerous the decision of Roe v. Wade was for millions of people who didn’t miscarry like I did that day. I thought about how scared they were and wondered if they yelled at the sky to While navigating constant triggers with news coverage and the reality of the reversal of Roe. v. Wade, it took me nine months to accept the word “miscarriage” — and 10 months to forgive myself for not knowing that I was pregnant. Finally, it took me a year to be grateful for the version of my outcome, because countless others had very few options in accessing life-saving care within their respective state
Regardless of my outcome, I empathize with the pain and suffering of millions who feel stuck and afraid. I stand with millions of people who feel rageful about the malicious obstacles to accessing reproductive freedom Within my morals and belief in survivors, I have always known the importance of reproductive justice. But after my experience, I understand reproductive justice on another level and that is why I support the San Antonio Reproductive Fund I am sharing my experience because I am a proud executive director of a social justice organization, who is also human and has experienced a miscarriage. I am incredibly proud of the coalition of reproductive justice organizations, reproductive justice funds, City Council members and community members who fought hard to allocate $500,000 of city funding toward directly supporting community-based organizations in providing life-saving reproductive and sexual health care services, resources and education to San Antonio residents. It shows the State of Texas and the entire nation that we will not stop fighting for bodily autonomy and reproductive freedom